Tuesday, April 26, 2011

briana blackwelder

i write here because this is my space. and i’m not sure where else to sort my thoughts. i’m stuck to the computer. reading every facebook thought, every blog tribute – trying to keep her here.


Briana Blackwelder from David Perry on Vimeo.


cath is at her first birth without bri this morning. i’m going about my day slowly. holding the space. i found comfort in the birth images from this video. the tub, the charting, the sling. 
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i remember eating breakfast at mimi’s with mom, briana and joanna. they’d just left a long birth. were going to fill their bellies – process the event and head home to sleep. their happy energy amazed me for three women who had been up all night.
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remembering the first tiny beats of what would be my charlie-boy here in my living room with briana and my mother. cath couldn’t find them at first and handed the doppler to briana. she pushed around on my belly and moved the doppler to a new spot. she was all business. then we heard it. swoosh-swoosh-swish-swoosh.
“that’s it.” she said.
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i loved briana for alot of reasons. she’s was simply beautiful. easy to love. but mostly i loved her for loving my mother. for being a real friend to her. when my mom felt far away. when i worried about her sacred birth work – i knew they were in it together. i trusted her hand in my mother’s life. i was grateful for it.
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the facebook messages will eventually stop.
the blog tributes will quiet.
briana will still be gone.
and i am sad today.

11 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry for your loss Lindsay. Thinking of you. :)

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  2. My heart hurts for you. Sending you peace and comfort.

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  3. I feel the same way. I told my husband today that I wish I could just get in bed with my computer and sink in until this has all been processed. But little ones don't really allow that.
    P.S. You don't know me. But Bri was one of our closest friends and Cathy caught my last baby and taught me at birth class.

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  4. Lin, that video is so beautiful I don't want to stop watching it. I'm so sorry for the loss being felt by many and for the heartache you feel.

    I only met Briana for an instant a few months ago, but I immediately sensed her calm nature and her sweet heart.

    Just want you to know that I love you and I'm thinking of you!

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  5. I love that video. Thanks for sharing. I want you to know that reading your blog has made me want to have a homebirth. I feel like I'm missing out on something truly remarkable.

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  6. I'm so sorry, Lindsay. So very sorry for your loss.

    Love to you and to all that loved Briana.

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  7. i can't begin to describe how thankful I am to have photographed her and have been able to have these images of her for him to use in the video. She was a bright star. I miss her and ache.

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  8. been thinking of you today....
    praying for peace for all who love her.

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  9. Not sure if you saw it already, but we also made a tribute to Bri.

    http://vimeo.com/kateandneil/brianas-widsom

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  10. I have a space to write. But the words just will not come. And I hate that.

    I'm so happy that you were able to come to her celebration this week. Wish I could have sat with you and eaten shortbread.

    The video is incredible. I may post it as well. People need to know even just a glimpse of who she was.

    love to you.

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  11. That was a beautiful video!

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