while in my early twenties and going through a very dark and confusing time
i found myself living back at my parents home after trying a go at life on my own.
a boomerang child. that's me.
i like to say it more like i tried to leave my mother's nest a little too early.
and some might tell you that i never really left the nest again after that.
even though now i live hundreds of miles away.
i remember a particularly difficult day.
i'd been arguing with my dad.
and somehow in the heavy anger and behind a few slammed doors and loud words,
found myself out in my car.
my sister, natalie ran after me.
down the front steps and under the cherry tree we'd climbed as littles and sat herself right down in the passenger seat next me. she wouldn't leave me.
i remember that i had to coax her back into the house so that i could drive away...
there are five years between me and the day she was born.
my first sister.
and no one was happier on the day she was born than i was.
she was my baby.
she is the prettiest one.
with the longest legs. and beautiful hands.
with her always tan skin and swooping lashes.
she is fearless and adventurous and so many things that i wish that i was.
she is brave.
and stronger than you'd think.
and while her story isn't mine to tell... i need her to know that i love her.
today i am holding the space for you.
i am praying.
my heart is heavy and i am breathing deep.
i want to go to you.
to hold you.
and plop right down next to you and never leave.
i want you to help me with a garden.
i want a mix cd of good songs from you.
i want you to make me something yummy.
i want to take our babies to the park.
i want more days with you. more good days.
i want to be able to tell you i'm scared.
that i am worried.
that i need you.