Wednesday, March 5, 2014

reflect. resolve.

the boys are all sleeping. 
despite the 'sleep in your own bed' sticker chart we've implemented this week:
-charlie crashed in our bed at 7:30.
-after being sent back to bed several times, ten drinks of water, a little box car children, four bathroom trips and the threat of being sent to sleep outside in the rain... gavin and lucas are fast asleep together in lukey's bed. 

and here i am.
i'm listening to my bob dylan pandora station. tonight the stars have played the band, simon and arty g, a little janis, and some van morrison. it's been good. 

i sat on the couch in my finally quiet and did some important thinking.
the weather here is maddening. it's dreary. and dark. and cloudy. and i fear the sun will never come. i will never get a sunny walk outside again. which i am craving more than any greasy/sweet/pickled pregnancy food.  i need a sunny walk or i will die. 

i clearly need to make some changes.

this pregnancy has been different. hard in different ways. and rather than sinking into the hard parts and excusing them by calling them symptoms - i'm going to make a few changes.
tonight i figured out what those would be with clarity.

1. something spiritual. meditate, pray, read, listen - something.
2. some kind of exercise. i will not wait any longer for the perfect day. 
3. no more candy.  specifically, no more sour patch kids. 
4. wake up with the school boys and stay up. an afternoon nap is a-ok. 
5. something for baby. write her a letter, make us a special lunch, try-on names
6. news fast. specifically - no facebook. 
7. chug water. 

ash wednesday.