Sunday, October 18, 2009

a good : strong : loving boy

pumpkinpatch 2009 027

we have no pictures of andrey as a little boy.
ok – one. we have one picture and he’s about six or so years old.
we were however given this sweet gift:  our boys look exactly like him.
i  often stop myself in our everyday life and catch a glimpse of my dear husband as a little boy while i watch lucas play or gavin napping.
lucas took off into the corn maze last week. he just wanted to ruuuuuun. fast. and as i chased after him, i was overwhelmed with love for andrey’s mother. something about the corn stalks and the crisp cold air and lukey’s corduroy jacket took me somewhere i’ve never been before.  i imagined her watching her boy run through ukrainian fields. i imagined that she wished the same sweet wishes for him – that i wish for my boys. i imagined also – the tinge of fear we probably shared that these boys of ours might just run too fast and we may just lose them to the adventure of the fields if we couldn’t keep up.  
i’ve never met andrey’s mother – lucas and gavi’s babushka. she’s been on my mind lately. especially this month for some reason. i’d been meaning to ask andrey if there was any significance to me associating this autumn season with his mother – until this morning. when i woke up to tell him happy birthday.

this was her growing season.

on october eighteenth, twenty-nine years ago, she first held her baby boy. i wanted to call her today. really bad. i just needed to know what time of the day he was born. something i think a person should know about themselves. i wanted to know how she labored. what kind of blankets he was wrapped up in? if his hair was dark like gavin’s was. was he a good nursling? did he cry? and then i just wanted a minute to tell her how much i love him. how i will try really hard to take better care of her boy. i’ll remember to love him good.

i wanted to let her know – what a good, strong, loving man her boy has become.


  1. Michael's up with an earache on his birthday (10/19), so I'm writing this at 1:43 am.

    Happy Birthday to Andrey!

    This post made me cry. You are amazing with words.

  2. I hope Andrey had a great birthday! I loved this post. I love to read your sweet thoughts. Thank you Lindsay!

    And yes, your boys definitely look just like their father. Sweet boys!

  3. what a lovely post! i often think about my mother-in-law and her raising my husband when i'm holding my son. thanks for putting it into words.

    and happy birthday to Andrey!

  4. love this:

    "the tinge of fear we probably shared that these boys of ours might just run too fast and we may just lose them to the adventure of the fields if we couldn’t keep up"

    She would have loved you Linds. You have such a huge heart and you are a beautiful mother.

  5. what sweet thoughts. i wonder too, about the birth of my husband, the memories of his mother.
    someday i shall ask and she will tell me.
    i look at my little sam and see her son as well--you are right, it is a gift

  6. you are amazing. andrey's mother would love you to pieces for the way you take care of ALL your boys.

    happy belated birthday to andrey!

  7. You are such a sweet, authentic, beautiful lover and mother. Wow. This post is so heartfelt, I wish I lived nearby so I could drop over and give you a hug. You are all loved. Happy Birthday Andrey. x

  8. I feel love for Andrey's brave mama too. She knows. She smiles. I feel honored when Andrey calls me "Mom" and try to do right by her. We are lucky that Andrey was born. I love Stoyan boys!

  9. From listening to your mom's stories of Andrey, I can feel warmth and love for him in my heart as well. I just looked at your previous post, Andrey holding a bundled Gavin, and I see how Andrey is looking at his baby with love. You've given Andrey light. Good love. Beautiful boys. His mother warms you at night. She smiles. She knows.

  10. i love stoyan boys too.
    i kind of even miss andrey's face pats....

  11. This post makes me feel content. Why? I don't know, but thanks for writing it.