Wednesday, June 27, 2007

"rise up this mornin'... smiled with the risin' sun... three little birds pitch by my doorstep...singin' a sweet song" -bob marley

i'm listening to sarah mclachlan sing her version of the beatles "blackbird". it's lovely. a great lullaby. a great song to add to my j-girl's birth cd. i was supposed to get it in the mail and on it's way across alot of states to her on monday. i'm late. but i'm all cuddled up to each of the songs and it will be on it's way shortly. tomorrow-shortly. i found the cd i made for her when her noah boy was soon to make his arrival. two plus years ago. i've pulled alot of those songs and added a bunch of new ones to the mix. it's delish. music to birth babes by. i was meticulous in picking my songs for lucas's birth. it took me months. adding and deleting songs until it was perfect, according to my crazy-nesting-mama-bird-self. i made extra copies of and was sure that everyone that would be attending my birth knew exactly where to find it on my computer if by some chance a cd went missing... only to go on a crazy-nesting-mama-bird hunt for a certain bob marley greatest hits album just days before luc made his actual debut.
birth. what a word. my life has been encircled by five incredible "birthing" women the past few weeks. five incredible momma birds that i can't get out of my mind.
miss j called a few weeks back looking for someone to share the sweet passion and empowerment she had felt after attending birth class. i felt my heart tug as we talked about what an overwhelming responsibilty we have to safely get our babes into the world. and in a few moments of excitedly talking of midwives and birth tubs and her soon-to-be-lucky-baby we validated eachothers not so crazy momma bird thoughts. i will wait patiently to hear of his arrival. his story. and love her for believing that her babe will be born exactly the way that he needs to be.
my sweet amanda. so excited to share the news of a very much anticipated and long awaited for... positive pregnancy test. she shared her sweet words and thoughts at seeing the itty-bitty dot of truth on the ultrasound screen to validate all of us girls' shared excitement. days later we learned that her six week old little bean had changed it's mind. my heart broke for her as she had to go through all the harsh motions of losing something so tiny... yet she already loved so much. her momma strength to continue to take care of her other boys and keep on keepin' on despite her broken heart amazed me. she's amazed me before... such a tough cookie. she's been known to birth a certain 10 pound cooper-dude without an epidural! and i know that another sweet baby spirit will fill her safe momma belly so very soon.
my own momma is a midwife. she leaves in the middle of the night and sometimes comes home days later. she listens to heart beats, measures bellies, holds hands, and just plain listens to her "ladies". i've always admired that she's found her true passion and is so good at what she does. i was so thankful to have her so close to my own heart/life/belly when i was pregnant with lucas. i knew very early on that i was capable of birthing my babe. the empowerment she instilled in me and my sweet andrey saved my life when our homebirth went a bit (a big bit) off track. it's healed my heartache at the fact that things didn't go as "planned." and that i'm not sure how they'll go the next time around.
i went to a prenatal with her a few weeks ago and met sweet sarah. sweet beautiful sarah. belly full of baby. her home was so dreamy. everything i could ever wish for. her baby was on it's way. i listened to my mom tell her anxious mama bird heart "any day now." i watched at home as my mom gathered up her supplies, went to bed early so she'd be well rested, checked on sarah daily, and prepared her spirit to help guide miss sarah through her babes birth story. i woke up a few days back and the house was still and quiet and mom's car was gone. i sent every bit of birth energy i had out into the world and hoped it made its way to sarah's pretty little birth space. desmond grey was born that morning. every perfect tiny inch of her.
jen at beebee mod sent out a call of love a few weeks back. she introduced me to miss kate. kate. my eyes filling with water as i type her name. this incredible-solid-woman-peace comes out of each letter of her name. k-a-t-e. i stayed up all night reading her words. all the way back from before she had her evan. i read her story all the way through to liam and ben. jen asked us crafty ladies to put together some handmade goods to send off to kate and family to lift their spirits and haul them through their journey. i couldn't stop thinking about her for days. i got right to work sewing up some little toy bags to send her boys. matching polka dots. sewed their letters on the front. E for Evan. B for Ben. L for Liam. i had put lucas to bed and took a quick breather from sewing the bags to come upstairs and do my blog reading. i clicked over to sweet/salty to check on kate and read the words. he was gone. little liam. oh little liam. her words so powerful. i tip-toed back downstairs and thought of her sweet boy, tears streaming down my face as i carefully sewed the L on his bag. my heart aching for this woman i'd never met. this boy i feel like i know so well. her latest post about being a birth warrior. sums up everything. "The words have a new shape now, rounded up to this. Birth: to see them safe. Warrior: to match them in bravery." she has amazed me and healed me with her words. i feel like i have no words to offer her heart. yet i can't seem to read enough of her healing words. i will take little liam with me everywhere.

five incredible women that have encircled me, this month of june. five incredible momma birds that i can't get out of my mind.
what a calling us women have been given.

a photographer went with my momma to miss sarah's birth. i wanted to share the slideshow with you, my loves...because it is so beautiful. the post for june 23rd has a link to the photos. enjoy them.

tell me your birth stories.

yesterday a little brown box arrived on my doorstep from the land of j-girl. filled with yummy treats and packed up in the prettiest little boxes i've ever laid my eyes on. my heart was so happy to be on the receiving end of something so lovely.
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i wish you all something just a special in your mailboxes today. from someone who loves you. from one of your kite strings. and if it doesn't... i'm sending out "comment treats" to everyone who comments on this post before i post again so you'll know that i was thinking of you. comment away!
love, lin
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  1. What a sweet post. Births are all different. Never all the same, you know? I remember all of mine with such intensity. Especially the first. She was to term and labor went like textbook. Then she was out and gone, they wisked her away to the NICU and I never got to hold her, never kiss her. I just sat in my bed, alone, because my husband went with her, to know what was going on. I just sat in bed and recovered and waited. The neonatologist came in and told me "it may get worse before it gets better." I just cried. It wasn't supposed to go this way, not at all. The worst that could happen they said in lamaze was a c-section. Now my baby was in a bubble and she couldn't breathe and she may die? Wow. 5 hours after I had her I finally went up there and touched her hand. 24 hours later she was nursing. My sweet Beebers.
    So Kate hits home, in a different way. The NICU was not how I thought the first week of her life would be. At all. But now she's 4 1/2 and a little lady. I am thankful everyday.

  2. Lin let me just say that I got all misty-eyed reading your post and then I saw the beautiful pictures of your mom's birth, that turned on the faucets and then to read that someone lost their little love and to read the grief and to simpathize with her pain I can't stop myself. Your words Lin are so beautiful!
    I look back now and remember Melia's birth and to see how blessed we are that I didn't have to feel any hurt in my heart when she was born. The pregnancy and the birth was everything I wanted! I thank Heavenly Father everyday for that!
    Now my heart goes out to everyone that has babies or will be having babies because it is the most amazing thing in the world but it is also one of the scariest most life threatening things we can do and yet we all do it with out thinking twice! How powerful it is!

  3. Lin, you've made my heart choke up in my throat tonight.. the thought of you sewing the little initial bags. I don't know what to say except thank you, so deeply, for your light and energy. I can feel it here in Nova Scotia tonight.

    I don't know you yet, but I look forward to it. Thank you so much.

  4. One of the most powerful post I have read in a long time. Having a baby is one God's most beautiful miracles. And when things don't go right one of the most heart wretching, Lin you amaze me with your powerful words. Hugs to you and your loved ones.

  5. Wow, let me just say that as a new mama reading about lost little Liam broke my heart. The water works have started and I don't know how to turn them off. Your post was so beautiful. I love your blog, it inspires and uplifts me.

    My own little Finn's entry into this world was pretty easy except that he was born posterior and came out looking like a prize fighter who had lost his match. He is now 3 months old and I still check on him in the middle of the night to make sure he is breathing and the sight of my sweet healthy boy takes my breath away.

  6. Trying to add your blog to my google reader and says you do not have an RSS feed--you might be able to enable that feature in your blog settings.

  7. tiffany! i am so happy to see you on here. i love the way birth and momma-hood can connect all of us ladies together. i must say that you have the most handsome little finn i have ever seen! kate story is a powerful one and i hope that we all snuggle our babes a little tighter all day...everyday.
    i think i've enabled the "feeds" try again. =)
    p.s. email me your address so i can send you out a comment treat.
    love, lin

  8. ahhhhh, the birth of my babies....

    not at all as planned. no sweet, peaceful, all natural home birth as planned for me either. 26 hours of unmedicated labor, 4 hours of unmedicated pushing, a nasty doctor violently forcing my cervicl lip out of the way, while telling me "do you want your baby to die!!??"and then straight to the ER for an emergency C-section. Yeah.....not at all as planned.

    i was hoping my second would be a Vbac, but when my labor progessed the same as the first time, I made the choice to have a C-section.

    i wish i could have pushed my babies out. i do feel a sense of loss. but it's ok, my babies are safe and healthy and strong.

  9. I feel a sadness at not having the opportunity to deliver my babies into this world myself...instead, I rely on the selflessness and courage of another to do it for me and then to trust their precious babies to me and Mark to raise!! Can you even imagine the strength that would take? I can't. I am in awe of women who give birth...I wish I could be one of is a sense of loss that I will never regain but I am at peace and beyond grateful to have birth parents in my life. I appreciate my Tyce more now than I would have if he had come to us the "traditional" way. Being mothers is a blessed gift from God...that knowledge I certainly don't take for granted!

  10. miss daish...
    the adoption process (paperwork...waiting...waiting and more waiting...)is a birth story all in itself. i love to hear you tell about the way tyce safely made his way into your arms. his momma. i have no doubt in my mind when i see the two of you together that he was meant to be yours* you are a strong woman. stronger than i, that's for sure. all my love, lindsay

  11. Oh my Lindsay, why can't I add you to my bloglines so I can know when you add a new post to your bloggidy blog? I don't know why, but I can't add you.

    Can you sell mix tapes? (cds rather) Because I would love to get my hands on one of your careful concoctions. Hmmm maybe we can trade one of these days : )

    Ah you got me in tears...again. You've reminded me of the beautiful and too often sad process of motherhood.

    Nothing about my birth story was what I expected or hoped *-except-* for the immense love I had for my new baby boy which was greater than I ever imagined or understood. The joy and amazement stayed with me for weeks to come, I was truly in awe of the process.