fickle. and a freckle.

in my ears: 

pandora's lullaby station 

playing from charlie's room

lucas grew a freckle. can you see it? right there. on the side of his nose. we could not be more excited about such things. there are a few photos of my boys that make my eyes well up. images that will be burned into my mama brain forever. no matter how big they grow. this is one. captured yesterday in our excitement at the appearance of this new summer discovery. he climbed up onto the bathroom sink and studied his face in the mirror. i love lucas jude. did you know that? cause, i do. 

i finished the last of a few to-do's on my calendar today. a few projects that were demanding my attention while wiley boys longed for something real of me. 

decided: no more to-do's this summer. only wake up days with nothing but boy adventures on our plate. doesn't that sound like the best thing in the world? i'm gonna make it happen. he's going to lead the way this season. 

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have decided to pack up the craft room/studio. a shelf of craft supplies that have really gone un-used for the last year or so. a sewing machine sitting on a big table that's only made a stitch or two in a looooong while.

i had to dust it off to sew something the other day. 

i am very capable of sewing. 

it didn't make my heart thump like it used to. 

and all of a sudden this room feels stifling and cluttered. i'm on the hunt for a new hobby. wondering what this new season of me will be.  in a previous life, i was a crafter. right, amy?

what is thumping my heart? 

catching photographs. 

straight out of the camera. just when i thought i needed a new lens to fix me, i snapped that perfect gem up there. will make do with what i've got. 

real art. 

stuff that can't be done in one sitting. stuff that will withstand. creating something that challenges me. maybe i'll trade in my craft table for an easel. and some paint. thinking of maybe setting up shop in the garage, too. instead of right here. jeffrey, do you have an easel i can borrow? would love one lesson from my grandpa. one trip to the art store with him. 

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steen posted this today. and really, come on. how do you just keep sitting in somedays after reading that? i love her. i'm still way too scared to even say outloud what's calling my heart. what briana has left with me. but it's there and i hear it. 

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for now - i clean out the chaos. make room for new things. grow these boys up. it starts by spending these first real days of summer with that boy up there. tomorrow we wake up different. i will report back. meet me here? 

love, lin