Tuesday, June 7, 2011

a big bonk. a big chunk of my heart.

finally this saturday we decided to tackle the garage. every little thing we'd stuffed in there had been hauled out to the front yard. it looked like an awesome afternoon garage sale. the boys were riding bikes, splashing in the hose and digging through treasures that had been buried for months in the garage mess. 

and then we heard it. gavi's yell. the deep cry and then silence. 
you know the kind. the 'it's-bad' kind. 
he'd been climbing in and out of the van and had managed to let the sliding door slam closed. 
onto his head. 

andrey ran to him. 
no blood. 
aw, good. 

i scooped him up and into the house we went. i held him tight until he calmed. 
and then i got a good look. 
i watched his mini-gavin forehead, right at his temple - swell up. 
to scary huge. 

i remember having this thought:
this could go either way. 
this could be really bad. 
or this could be no big deal. 
and then we were off. 

i'm not really sure how to explain it - but since briana's accident i've been in this strange holding state.
anticipating another instant when everything will change. 
i am the mother of boys. 
we have bonks and cuts all the time.
do i get to have no-biggie crazy stunts anymore?  

our first trip to the ER as parents of wiley boys. 

gavin is high maintenance. 
has been from day one.
he tests my patience. 
he gives me more patience. 
and some days - i'm not even sure what he really needs from me as his mother. 
but he is my boy. 
and i was scared. 

i was sort of surprised that my instincts to mother him kicked in so strongly. 
that i knew exactly what to do to calm him and how to be with him. 
a thorough check-up and an x-ray later, all was well. 
my boy looks a little banged up - but my mama heart was reassured that he would be ok. 

we came home to the contents of our garage still out in the front yard. 
our saturday - thankfully went on as normal. 
but something in me - as the mother of gavin west - has changed.


  1. I cleaned my garage today, but no bonks. Boy did we have a scare two weeks ago. Luckily for us, Evan's mom is a pediatric nurse and she checked him out for us.

    I am with you on the difficulties of parenting boys. I also find myself wondering what Kyle needs from me. It is easier with Aiden, he's so happy and bubbly, so cuddly and soft still. I know it will change, but I feel Aiden will just be easier.

    Keep going. I see you as a good mamma bear. A mamma bear to look up to and admire.

  2. such a sweet post. i'm right there with you... three boys for us has landed us multiple ER visits. glad all is well :)

  3. Ow! I'm so glad Gavin is okay. It sounds like it was a bit scary, but you handled it beautifully.

    It's interesting. As you are describing the ways that Gavin tests you and helps you grow as a mother, I could have sworn you were talking about Josh and myself. Word. For. Word.

    I love your mother heart, Lindsay. You amaze me and inspire me to be a better mother.

  4. ER visits are always scary for me too. So glad everything is okay.

    P.S. I miss you. Can we please get together soon?

  5. you just have to go with those mama instincts....glad he's o.k.

    is it weird that i've been there before? the holding pattern, waiting for something to happen? it's not my favorite place...i much prefer safe and happy and unaware of the pitfalls that could derail my kids.
    i guess it's part of mothering

  6. sheeesh at least he didnt get staples in his little baby head. that was the worst. oh gavin. get ready lin, cause this is only the first of many! lol. i am thinking of sneaking over. it sounds like a really good idea right now...

  7. I understand the shakiness of knowing that stuff happens and everything changes. I guess in time we will be able to sturdy up our hearts but for now we hold tight every time we are called to do so. Yes, Gavin needs you. Very cool observation Linny.