listen up:

sometimes the universe

(or your jones' soda)

speaks.

loud + clear.

fickle. and a freckle.

in my ears: 

pandora's lullaby station 

playing from charlie's room

lucas grew a freckle. can you see it? right there. on the side of his nose. we could not be more excited about such things. there are a few photos of my boys that make my eyes well up. images that will be burned into my mama brain forever. no matter how big they grow. this is one. captured yesterday in our excitement at the appearance of this new summer discovery. he climbed up onto the bathroom sink and studied his face in the mirror. i love lucas jude. did you know that? cause, i do. 

i finished the last of a few to-do's on my calendar today. a few projects that were demanding my attention while wiley boys longed for something real of me. 

decided: no more to-do's this summer. only wake up days with nothing but boy adventures on our plate. doesn't that sound like the best thing in the world? i'm gonna make it happen. he's going to lead the way this season. 

+++

have decided to pack up the craft room/studio. a shelf of craft supplies that have really gone un-used for the last year or so. a sewing machine sitting on a big table that's only made a stitch or two in a looooong while.

i had to dust it off to sew something the other day. 

i am very capable of sewing. 

it didn't make my heart thump like it used to. 

and all of a sudden this room feels stifling and cluttered. i'm on the hunt for a new hobby. wondering what this new season of me will be.  in a previous life, i was a crafter. right, amy?

what is thumping my heart? 

catching photographs. 

straight out of the camera. just when i thought i needed a new lens to fix me, i snapped that perfect gem up there. will make do with what i've got. 

real art. 

stuff that can't be done in one sitting. stuff that will withstand. creating something that challenges me. maybe i'll trade in my craft table for an easel. and some paint. thinking of maybe setting up shop in the garage, too. instead of right here. jeffrey, do you have an easel i can borrow? would love one lesson from my grandpa. one trip to the art store with him. 

+++

steen posted this today. and really, come on. how do you just keep sitting in somedays after reading that? i love her. i'm still way too scared to even say outloud what's calling my heart. what briana has left with me. but it's there and i hear it. 

+++

for now - i clean out the chaos. make room for new things. grow these boys up. it starts by spending these first real days of summer with that boy up there. tomorrow we wake up different. i will report back. meet me here? 

love, lin

safe.

the best daddy for this home. 

for these boys. 

+++

happy father's day!

where are you, dog days?

our no-school-summer-days,

are still overcast and cloudy. 

+++

we're grateful for:

cousin asher bird

leather mitts, a real big boy baseball

and some classic big league chew.

just playin' catch - for hours.

+++

they saved the day.

i love these boys.

la la love them.

the 

simplest

& sweetest

end to this sunday.

xoxo,

lin

a big bonk. a big chunk of my heart.

finally this saturday we decided to tackle the garage. every little thing we'd stuffed in there had been hauled out to the front yard. it looked like an awesome afternoon garage sale. the boys were riding bikes, splashing in the hose and digging through treasures that had been buried for months in the garage mess. 

and then we heard it. gavi's yell. the deep cry and then silence. 

you know the kind. the 'it's-bad' kind. 

he'd been climbing in and out of the van and had managed to let the sliding door slam closed. 

onto his head. 

andrey ran to him. 

no blood. 

aw, good. 

i scooped him up and into the house we went. i held him tight until he calmed. 

and then i got a good look. 

i watched his mini-gavin forehead, right at his temple - swell up. 

to scary huge. 

i remember having this thought:

this could go either way. 

this could be really bad. 

or this could be no big deal. 

and then we were off. 

i'm not really sure how to explain it - but since briana's accident i've been in this strange holding state.

anticipating another instant when everything will change. 

i am the mother of boys. 

we have bonks and cuts all the time.

do i get to have no-biggie crazy stunts anymore?  

our first trip to the ER as parents of wiley boys. 

+++

gavin is high maintenance. 

has been from day one.

he tests my patience. 

he gives me more patience. 

and some days - i'm not even sure what he really needs from me as his mother. 

but he is my boy. 

and i was scared. 

i was sort of surprised that my instincts to mother him kicked in so strongly. 

that i knew exactly what to do to calm him and how to be with him. 

a thorough check-up and an x-ray later, all was well. 

my boy looks a little banged up - but my mama heart was reassured that he would be ok. 

+++

we came home to the contents of our garage still out in the front yard. 

our saturday - thankfully went on as normal. 

but something in me - as the mother of gavin west - has changed.

ultimatum.

it's raining outside. a steady drizzle. and the sky is soooo grey.
it's the gloomy kind.
and i want to crawl back into bed.
thankfully the mister is on his way home right this minute
and i'm going to do just that.
for an hour. pretty sure that's all i need. a good hour of deep sleep.
i've got three little boys with warm foreheads and croupy coughs.
boys who were up ALL night.
+++
apparently no one told the sunshine or my boys and their winter colds
that it is - in fact - june. 

we pulled the bikes out a few weeks ago. 

shined them up - hopeful for spring. 

spring never showed. 

+++

tried again this weekend.

hopeful for a switch in seasons. 

and i had all these happy summer thoughts.

+++

if things don't turn around by tomorrow 

mister sun - i'm pulling the uggs back out. 

and none of us really want that, now do we?