Monday, November 15, 2010

imagined: gratitude

through the speakers this very moment:
beautiful boy – ben harper

…she had her own little corner of the world.
it was bright with the colors of a string of peaceful prayer flags.
it was perfumed with handmade bars of patchouli soap. (heavy on the patchouli)
it echoed with her laughter like the happiest of franti songs…

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while i was pregnant with boy three – i would often find myself counting the months ahead and wondering what belly and life would look like - come september. i wouldn’t be super huge yet. lucas would start preschool and i’d be able to load gavi up in the stroller and waddle ourselves over to pick him up.
september came and went and we strolled that belly just like i’d imagined.

come october i imagined - the baby nest would be ready. cath and her lil’ red mini would pull into the driveway and we’d settle in to welcome boy. i imagined she’d make herself a little space in the guestroom of her own. i imagined my labor would come. imagined the birth the best i could. knew the day would come that we’d know his name. that we’d ink his foot prints and introduce brothers. i imagined oatmeal for breakfast and her spaghetti. i imagined she’d paint with gavin and win his heart. that she’d sing franti and dance with my lukey. that she’d mother my husband with beef stew and spoil me with late afternoon naps. i imagined we’d stay up late and wish for my sisters to join us. i imagined my dad would visit and they’d whisper and snuggle like young loves. i imagined she’d visit old friends and even make new ones. that she’d midwife a few of my own.
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i imagined that come november she’d pack up her things. bags a little fuller than when she’d come. that i’d bury my head in her shirt and cry my eyes out. that she’d kiss the top of my head and tell me she’d see me soon. that i’d send her off and we’d both be a little(big) bit different than when she’d come.

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she left her corduroy coat on the back of her desk chair. and a few other things here and there. she left me with charlie grey. brother three. grandchild ten. born on a early sunday morning during a gentle rain. caught in her hands. my mama’s hands. just like i’d imagined…


  1. lindsay you have three boys. that is just so weird. you are a strong mama. i cant wait to see your faces. and i love mom.

  2. That was beautiful. Just what I needed to send me off to sleep.


  3. tender. beautiful. inspiring. he is perfect in all kinds of ways. congrats, sweet mama! you. are. AMAZING!

  4. I've been craving the birth story. You keep teasing us with it, but the posts just keep getting more and more beautiful.

  5. That was so beautiful.. (totally brought tears to my eyes thinking about my own mother) Thank you.

  6. Oh, I am misssing my Lttle Fox and his family. I loved my retreat. Wasn't it smart of me to leave Li'l Red's summer tires in your garage! Tell me when and I'll post your birth story. No rush. Savor the processing.

  7. Cath has left her brown corduroys coat at my house too. It was nice to have that patchouli and love energy linger.
    Your imaginings make me grateful. Thank you!

  8. In your profile you describe yourself as a "silly girl with a huge heart". I don't know think you're silly at all, but oh my...that heart of yours is gigantic! It's the thing I love very most about you.

    Loved this.

  9. Thank you for sharing such a special piece of your heart with the rest of us! You are no ordinary blogger, my dear.

  10. ahhh, tears from this pregant girl.
    sweet tears of memories from my own experiences and relating to the anticipation of a new little one.
    mama's are the best. feels like i've met yours, but not really. your words are so realand touching.

  11. Lindsay, your way with words is a special gift. I think it's time to make a Run Lucas Run book. I'd buy one.

  12. love this-- your very creative in telling your stories. i love them!! :)