i realize i'm not the first woman in the history of mankind to do this. to add another baby to the mix. and some women even decide to do this again. and again. and again. so far it feels like it's been one big long day of twenty eight days jumbled together. and somewhere in the big long day this brand new baby boy is growing and growing fast. and somewhere in that day i've showered a few times. cooked dinner a few times. slept for a few minutes...
let's talk about that.
let's talk about how i'm so tired that tears could squeeze right out of my eyes. and they do and they have. over silly things. and who's body is this anyway?!! i realize that it's been only twenty eight (one jumbo) day since that new bundle was scrunched up inside this belly, but come on! really?! and what was i wearing before him? cause i sure don't have any clothes to wear now. wanna know about how i'm impatient and grouchy, too?
let's talk about how i've decided that i'm not very good at being organized and having a schedule. how i'm not really sure that i ever wanted to be either of those things before baby number two's arrival. that before i welcomed the madness but i've since realized that being organized and following a schedule is going to be a mere means of survival.
let's talk about lucas. how he's all of a sudden gigantic. how he turned from baby to big boy overnight. how changing that big boy's diapers has got to end! soon! how i have to remind myself to be patient with him and remember that only twenty eight days ago i still carried him on my hip and how now he has to run. and run fast and how maybe he just. doesn't. want. to. let's talk about how i miss him. how i miss being his best friend. a secret club. a secret club with time for big huge snuggles. and puzzles. and storytelling.
wanna talk about my husband? oh yeah. him. how he's exhausted, too. how he's got a new list of chores and how i'm not the easiest person to live with at the moment. and how i've come to realize (since baby number two) that i probably never really was. how he hasn't noticed that i'm not getting up with him in the morning lately because i never really have. and does he even have time to sit on the couch and soak in this new bundle of boy we've got? uh. i don't think so! (refer to the chore list i mentioned above)
let's talk about this guy. this gavin west who is only twenty eight days old. how he's turned our world upside down and inside out. yet all he does is sleep and eat and let you cuddle and kiss his cheeks. how i love him so and could go on and on and on and probably will about how sweet he is. how he maybe smiled and how lucas is sure that he spoke to him today. how i could sit on my couch all day, boppy + baby and watch him sleep snuggled up in my arm. my new little nursling.
and then i can see why. why some women do this again and again and again...
You are blessed to have a great husband that doesn't mind doing the chore list. And a son that has "conversations" with his brother. And a healthy beautiful baby for you all to share your love with.
ReplyDeleteYou are right. Organization, routine and asking for help will save you. We are resistant to that, I know. Pull out your copy of BFW. The last part, Gestating Parenthood speaks to this last part of the childbearing year. That's right, you are still gestating, not quite done, another 2 months to go. At least. Pregnant ladies always skip this section because there is so much focus on the BIG DAY. Postpartum deserves some time and attention. It's your healing, processing, redefining, babymoon, grieving and letting go of what was all in one exhaustive bundle. Hold on. It passes and you are as strong as they come! Your boys are so lucky to have you - all 3 of them!
ReplyDeleteOh Lin...my new babe is only 4 months old and we have had this thing mastered for the past 2 months (with some off days thrown in) but I have SO much to tell you. So much advice that will work WONDERS!!! I was not good with a schedule with Tyce and I suffered for it. As a means of survival I became the organized schedule queen and it worked...like a charm. I now have a BIG BOY (yes...mourn that...it is exciting and very sad) who as of this week is now potty trained.
ReplyDeleteI have a baby who is happy when he is awake. Contently sleeping through the night (except for those occasional growth spurts) but I have not been "tired" for weeks and weeks)!
I have a husband who gets a lot of my attention and one on one time. He spends lots of time with the boys (Tyce anyway)...I will talk to you about the HELL you will go through if Aundrey doesn't get some serious bonding time with that baby NOW!
I am going to give you a couple more hours and then I am going to call you so be ready. I want to help and on this subject at this moment I feel that I really know what I am talking about! I promise that I can help! Talk to you soon and take a nap!!!
I have no better words than that of your sweet mama! She said it so wisely.
ReplyDeleteIf you feel the urge to get out of the house, please know that my door is always open for you and your sweeties!
Congrats on the new beautiful boy!!! I know what it is like to be so overwhelmed with number two and now I am at teh stage of thinking about numebr three. It does pass. My best advise. Take it one day at a time!! And sleep when you get the chance. Other things will wait and other people can do that but no one can get sleep for you but you. Hang in there.
ReplyDeletemoma, let me know how it turns out, i am only a couple weeks away now. remember what sis hinkley said, (totally paraphrasing) 'you can either laugh or cry, i choose to laugh becuase crying gives me a headache'. cry-laughing counts too.
ReplyDeletelove this - tears - :) love you!
ReplyDeleteyou don't even know me, but i am a friend of amelia's. i jumped over to your blog during your birth stories...and fell in love. i had some similar thoughts to yours during my last birth and made a big change at 38 weeks etc.
ReplyDeleteI am now adjusting to life with 3 and still only have 2 arms...you get the picture. my 2 year old's head seems ENORMOUS and my baby as sweet as pie, until the middle of the night when she doesn't sleep. She approaches 4 months this week and we are adjusting, you will too.
I am going to follow your mom's advice and go back and read the last chapter of BFW and maybe have introspection on my life. hmmm
thanks for sharing, so many of us have been there or are there now.
By the way, I STILL have nothing that fits--
I truly believe that our Heavenly Father decided long ago that He would have to make us forget about all the craziness that happens within the first few months of having a baby, because if we didn’t forget we would NEVER have more then 1 baby! So no matter what happens remember to turn to Him (your Heavenly Father that is) because He is always listening and ready to help. There is a ton of advise out there but I hope and pray that you will just do your best and remember that someday….maybe not soon enough…but someday you will look back, smile and actually miss these days and then say…”Hey, I think I’m ready to have another baby!”….see it’s a vicious plan but its working! luv u!
ReplyDeleteIt's going to get more manageable.
ReplyDeletePromise.
And if it doesn't, we can wallow together. I'll be right there with you in a couple of weeks.
Oh Lindsay- this only means you are a NORMAL mom. :) I can't tell you how many times I felt exactly how u are! Too bad nobody ever writes about the negative parts of parenthood too huh? :) haha! It gets easier- promise. Pick your battles- they DO grow SUPER fast, like you said with Lucas. Remember that. It will get better! hang in there!
ReplyDeletePS- He is adorable...
oh my linny.
ReplyDeletei'm not sure that i've told you yet about my version of gavin's birth story.
i will. soon.
something felt so right about walking out of your house, leaving you and andrey to do the work together. alone. you take care of each other.
and there was a calmness in your house when we rushed your mom in that night. a calm that made me stop in my tracks and appreciate all that was. i will always remember that
****
you are amazing. amazing because you are doing it...with grace and love
****
it was funny to sit and talk to you the other night... about when my little reno was a wee babe and would not stop crying. no. matter. what. i had forgotten what that felt like. and now..in what seems like a blink..he's a big kid. and i miss his nursling self.
keep taking care of each other over there. and let us help when we can. all of us in this funny family commune need to work on that piece. asking. i challenge us all to do that.
love you lin...
your aunt
Oh...I want to squeeze him. Yes, isn't this the truth. Everything in your post. I just miss this part. The newborn and how they are so demanding, but they also don't move much and they root and squeak. I love that and can testify I am missing it. It does get better Lindsay. Once you hit a routine of some sort, it is better. Just make sure to have you time. That is most important out of it all.
ReplyDeleteWhat an awesome writing talent you have. I think you just said it all, I got up every hour with Elias last night and woke up to a pounding non-sleep headache. I wish I had different answers!
ReplyDeleteLin,
ReplyDeleteOne thing that I think all of us as mothers learn through these processes of doing it again...and sometimes again and again and again is that we surprise our self.
At first it feels like we'll never be able to do it all, but then we grow into our new roles and we gradually realize what strong amazing creatures we mothers are.
Amazingly strong! And that is what you are and what you are becoming.
You are so blessed to have such a wise mother and friends and an amazing husband who are all "holding up your heart."
Love you,
Marilyn
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ReplyDeletebarely keeping my head above water. that is what postpartum and all its adjustments feels like to me. in my mind..."this too shall pass" playing over and over again. and then you blink, and your baby is 8 months, and you survived.
ReplyDeleteAND THEN YOUR REALLY CRAZY AND YOU DO IT ALL AGAIN...ON PURPOSE, because this mom thing is, in large part, what you were born to do.
happy to see you around.
i hear ya girl! 2 is kicking my booty most days & nights! just remember to breathe... ;-)
ReplyDelete