twenty eight days later.

i realize i'm not the first woman in the history of mankind to do this. to add another baby to the mix. and some women even decide to do this again. and again. and again. so far it feels like it's been one big long day of twenty eight days jumbled together. and somewhere in the big long day this brand new baby boy is growing and growing fast. and somewhere in that day i've showered a few times. cooked dinner a few times. slept for a few minutes...

let's talk about that.

let's talk about how i'm so tired that tears could squeeze right out of my eyes. and they do and they have. over silly things. and who's body is this anyway?!! i realize that it's been only twenty eight (one jumbo) day since that new bundle was scrunched up inside this belly, but come on! really?! and what was i wearing before him? cause i sure don't have any clothes to wear now. wanna know about how i'm impatient and grouchy, too?

let's talk about how i've decided that i'm not very good at being organized and having a schedule. how i'm not really sure that i ever wanted to be either of those things before baby number two's arrival. that before i welcomed the madness but i've since realized that being organized and following a schedule is going to be a mere means of survival.

let's talk about lucas. how he's all of a sudden gigantic. how he turned from baby to big boy overnight. how changing that big boy's diapers has got to end! soon! how i have to remind myself to be patient with him and remember that only twenty eight days ago i still carried him on my hip and how now he has to run. and run fast and how maybe he just. doesn't. want. to. let's talk about how i miss him. how i miss being his best friend. a secret club. a secret club with time for big huge snuggles. and puzzles. and storytelling.


wanna talk about my husband? oh yeah. him. how he's exhausted, too. how he's got a new list of chores and how i'm not the easiest person to live with at the moment. and how i've come to realize (since baby number two) that i probably never really was. how he hasn't noticed that i'm not getting up with him in the morning lately because i never really have. and does he even have time to sit on the couch and soak in this new bundle of boy we've got? uh. i don't think so! (refer to the chore list i mentioned above)


let's talk about this guy. this gavin west who is only twenty eight days old. how he's turned our world upside down and inside out. yet all he does is sleep and eat and let you cuddle and kiss his cheeks. how i love him so and could go on and on and on and probably will about how sweet he is. how he maybe smiled and how lucas is sure that he spoke to him today. how i could sit on my couch all day, boppy + baby and watch him sleep snuggled up in my arm. my new little nursling.

and then i can see why. why some women do this again and again and again...

just a spoonful of "smooshies"

lucas calls them "smooshies" and they were the best two bucks i've spent in a long time. they kept these two wiley cousins occupied for a nearly the whole weekend. there's still an ice cube tray full of mini-smooshies cooling off in the fridge that i think presley forgot about. "it's hot soup!" she'd say and they'd giggle and giggle and pretend slurp up their homemade delish-dishes.

we interrupt this babymoon...

i've had two full weeks of:

meals+treats+flowers brought in
staying in my bed/pajamas
snuggling my fresh new babe
learning to nurse new babe
sleeping when babe sleeps
wondering what day of the week it is
taking loooong showers
watching new babe stretch and yawn
bathing new babe and lotioning him up
****
head-over-heels drunk on new-babe-love



my mom/baby catcher/breakfast maker/cupboard organizer/couch snuggler/lukey babysitter/grocery buyer/tea maker headed back home a few days ago. andrey heads back to real work in the morning. this leaves me. and my two kids. for reals. tomorrow. only a few hours away.

lucas jude, who left for a mere few hours a few weeks ago to catch a pine wood derby with his cousins and came home to a new brother is still in a bit of shock. this does not go well at bedtime. or nursing time. or any take care of said new brother time.

the new babe despite my best efforts to quarantine our little bundle has somehow caught a baby cold. this means i will be up tonight watching him breathe. not good for tomorrow morning when lucas wakes up ready to go.

i plan on staying in my pajamas. i plan on not making any plans. not tomorrow. or next week. or next year for that matter. my brains have turned into new-babe-mush. really.

i'll let you know tomorrow if we've survived.
goodnight, loves.

"when i wake the things i dreamt about you last night make me blush" - indigo girls

"... and the mississippi's mighty
but it starts in minnesota
at a place that you could walk across with five steps down...

and i guess that's how you started
like a pinprick to my heart
but at this point you rush right through me..."

ghost -indigo girls

"pull the strings of my little heart" - leona naess

i miss my mom.

"he came to meet me..." -hem

lindsay's journal entry - january 28, 2009 10:36 pm
dear baby:
you should see the moon tonight. the tiniest little sliver. it's your moon. it makes me think of you and how you will be here soon.

i can tell.
you're getting ready.
so am i.

it's a big journey you're about to make. you're about to leave your safe spirit place to come and meet me and i can't wait to see you. to look in your little baby eyes and wonder of where you've been. oh! the stories you'll have to tell. we'll remember each other quickly and we'll be old soul-friends in no time. i promise to love you so good - my sweet boy.
love, mama
****
"he could've been here all along, he could've been anyone
but there is no one who
could wake my heart like this...
could break my world in two

i felt a suddenness

the day fell completely still
the dream was a lot like this
but i never knew until... he came to meet me"
-hem