"but it's all the same. same old song, it's the same old thing. cuz it waits ...it waits on you." -joshua james

cd's i need:
two gallants -steady rollin'
joshua james -the sun is always brighter
jose gonzalez -veneer

this is how i feel. like i'm trying to roll/run 90 miles per hour with too little shoes. my momma mobile got a flat. a much needed flat. (did i just say that?!!) we i needed to slow things down a bit. it's not like i've got that much going on, really. just that i seem to be in such a hurry to get it all done. i sleep fast, eat fast, pee past. i hurry lucas to nurse. i push us out the door so quickly (grab the purse, the shoes, the hats, the bags of errands.) the flat... it slowed me down good. with the spare still on today... we got up slowly. got dressed slowly. and with no hurry to get things that i couldn't get done with a spare tire on ... i decided to go at luc's pace. which is much slower than i realized since i'm always in such a panic to fit his wild carefree wandering into my hurried life. he was in deep thought today.

i'm not sure what exactly was on his mind... but it was important. the perfect time for me to step back and let him have his space and do his thing.


he had books to be read. bushes to look under. rocks to collect. slides to climb. popcicles to be eaten. dancing to be done. naps to be taken. it was such a sweet day... maybe we'll leave the gimp tire on through the weekend.

he's slowly weaning himself. (very slowly) which makes for new creative ways to put my boy to sleep. but with each nap that he drifts off on his own... i feel the dull ache of "fullness" and the pull at my heartstrings.
no matter how much i thought i was ready for this...

i studied his chubby hands as he ate tonight. his sweet lips sucking away. it was the prettiest little picture i'd ever seen. i took a snapshot in my brain and tucked it away deep. my babe.

a*love and i have decided we'll be packing up the brood and movin' ourselves back to washington. it's just worked out that way and it feels good and exciting. i got an email from rox.ana last week. i'd told of our decision and her thoughts on the subject had me thinking and thinking in great-lucas-deep-thought fashion. eyebrows furled. pros-cons-list-making thinking. tri-town is a creative killer. "you need to be in a place that is constantly flowing creative juices," she said. this i know. kennewick is as blah as blah gets. i have big dreams of a seaside seattle porch. planting our roots deep in the salty soil. our plan is to get there in a few years. this tri-cities move is supposed to be temporary. i told her how i envied her adventurous life. no dream stifling going on there. and i got to thinking about why not taking the adventure now? why this holding time to weigh things out? why?... well because i'm a wuss. that's why. because tri-town is familiar and safe. just like i do everything in my life. i take no giant leaps.
this has had me thinking. alot.
the same playlist plays over and over as i ponder. in the car. on the computer. the ipod. same songs. the mix i just sent out to a.h. and someday years from now... i'll hear jose gonzalez sing "ten days of perfect tunes" and i'll remember this pondering time. before we packed our boxes up. lucas still a little nursling. our slowed down day to think things over together. and i'll miss this contemplation time and smile about where we've ended up...
on a porch swing watching a northwest sunset and still dreaming big.
goodnight loves, lin

***

a sweet treat showed up in our mailbox yesterday from jen over at beebee mod! her new suburbia onesie design. love. love. love it. so did lucas. when i opened the package he said, "ohhhhh cu-utte!" and cute it is. she is such a sweet/talented/lovely momma chick. her blog inspires my creative guts and the way she balances her babes and her beebee mod store amaze me. her shop re-opens in a few weeks and will be stocked up with some lovely new goods and i hope that you'll all support the handmade etsy adventure she's on.