this day. this minute. this right-now.

dear lucas,
i love:
your pink sun-kissed ears from riding your tricycle on the back patio
your shaggy silly boy hair
the way your brain has been sorting out your thoughts these days. so thoughtful. so clever!
your cool kid t-shirt collection
the things you’ve gathered to stash in your secret treasure box
the songs you love to sing
that you’ve stored a tiny bit of baby chub in your hands – just for me
++++

andrey usually calls us when he’s on his way home. we chat about the good/bad things of the day and he says a quick “hi-ya” to lucas. their conversation on monday must have included something about it being super hot and how thirsty andrey was because  i passed the front door  a few minutes later and saw this: my lukey boy patiently sitting on the front porch with a sigg bottle full of cold water. i asked what he was doing and he said, “oh. just waitin’ for dad.” a few minutes later i heard andrey’s squeaky van pull up and my happy boy yell, “dad! dad! here!” followed by a very tired daddy voice, “thanks, man.”

i really really really love lucas. and this picture makes my heart swell and tears squeeze out of my eyes. it’s been sort of difficult to sort out our mama-lukey relationship since gavin came along. i am tired. impatient. and my crying/growling/yelling newish-born is constantly attached to me with some sort of baby wearing device. if he’s not attached that usually means he’s taking a quick sleep and i need a minute to myself. which leaves not very many free minutes to love on my lucas jude. there’s been several times that my three year old comes to me looking much less like the big boy he’s all of a sudden turned into  and very much like the baby boy he was only a few months ago. he’ll say in his lukey voice, “i-i-i-i-i j-j-j-j-ust wa-wa-want you to hold me.”
++++
oh yeah. you. my boy. come here. right now. before this minute passes and you’re five/fifteen/twenty.  i still need you, too.