baby mine

we slept out under gavin’s birthday moon last night.
++++
he:
wakes up with such happy-ness every morning.
has begun to reach for things – like dangling toys & my cheeks while he nurses.
is crying less and laughing more.
is growing some good chub-a-lub for us to squish on.
loves his muslin blankies.
spits up. a lot. on everything. everywhere.
has a secret bff club with his grandpa.
speaks in growl.
has the most handsome head of baby fuzz – ever.

the view from up here:

is sweet.
love, lin

this day. this minute. this right-now.

dear lucas,
i love:
your pink sun-kissed ears from riding your tricycle on the back patio
your shaggy silly boy hair
the way your brain has been sorting out your thoughts these days. so thoughtful. so clever!
your cool kid t-shirt collection
the things you’ve gathered to stash in your secret treasure box
the songs you love to sing
that you’ve stored a tiny bit of baby chub in your hands – just for me
++++

andrey usually calls us when he’s on his way home. we chat about the good/bad things of the day and he says a quick “hi-ya” to lucas. their conversation on monday must have included something about it being super hot and how thirsty andrey was because  i passed the front door  a few minutes later and saw this: my lukey boy patiently sitting on the front porch with a sigg bottle full of cold water. i asked what he was doing and he said, “oh. just waitin’ for dad.” a few minutes later i heard andrey’s squeaky van pull up and my happy boy yell, “dad! dad! here!” followed by a very tired daddy voice, “thanks, man.”

i really really really love lucas. and this picture makes my heart swell and tears squeeze out of my eyes. it’s been sort of difficult to sort out our mama-lukey relationship since gavin came along. i am tired. impatient. and my crying/growling/yelling newish-born is constantly attached to me with some sort of baby wearing device. if he’s not attached that usually means he’s taking a quick sleep and i need a minute to myself. which leaves not very many free minutes to love on my lucas jude. there’s been several times that my three year old comes to me looking much less like the big boy he’s all of a sudden turned into  and very much like the baby boy he was only a few months ago. he’ll say in his lukey voice, “i-i-i-i-i j-j-j-j-ust wa-wa-want you to hold me.”
++++
oh yeah. you. my boy. come here. right now. before this minute passes and you’re five/fifteen/twenty.  i still need you, too.

how to fill a half empty glass of blah-juice:

watch lukey paint.

“the world was magic… i was wide-eyed and laughing” – indigo girls

five years ago {what? really?!} amy and i bought two tickets to “the indigo girls – live at the pier” off of ebay from someone with fozzie return address labels. it was sort of on a whim. she’d been before. i was a new fan. she was fresh from her brave girl adventure and cam-reno was a baby. we do crazy things. we climbed into her white alero and set off. only to call andrey from the side of the road an hour out of town. instead of throwing in the towel and heading back home… we had him bring a friend… and an extra car. indigo-girls-or-bust. we sat in some big dude’s big-dude tow truck and waited for my jetta-girl to come around the bend. then kept on driving.

we left baby cameron with a pumped bottle at my cousin’s and left for the show. hearing the girls sing mystery for the first time in person, under the seattle stars, breathing in the seattle air, overwhelmed me. i remember joining the crowd to chant “CHICKENMAN! CHICKENMAN!” as loud as i could – having no idea what or who the chickenman was. it was perfect. we relived each song as we found our way back through seattle traffic that night, slept on my cousin’s couch and went home different girls.

tomorrow we’ll pack ourselves back up into amy’s white alero. we’ll drive over the pass <<indigo-girls-or-bust>>  to catch our fourth I.G. show together. one of two this summer. we’ll look for the ‘mommies’ and the girl with the cowboy hat. we’ll sing really loud. maybe cry. amy might even jump off the balcony - who knows!  i’ll shout “i love you, emily!”  just so she won’t feel left out and we’ll go home tomorrow night with lost voices and a concert hiiiiiigh.  tonight is better than christmas eve. i’m giddy. antsy. can’t even think about sleep.

tickets. check.
triple A. check.
flowing concert skirt. check.
babysitter. check.
pump & bottle. check.
every I.G. album ever made. check.
++++
100 points if they sing “ozilline”
200 points if they sing “you left it up to me”
infinity points if they sing “CHICKENMAN!”

big huge blessings

the new filter on my mom’s camera was making for very bright pictures today. very fitting though – as the realizations i’ve made for myself lately have included letting in more light. many blessings that are a very much available to me have been put off due to my own feelings of inadequacy and thoughts that maybe i am undeserving of such sweet love.

i decided to just ask one day. we were driving somewhere after gavin was born and i just threw it out there. i asked andrey if it would be alright with him if we had our new babe blessed. i expected him to blow it off as just a passing question. not realizing how heavy it had been weighing on my mama heart. instead he answered, “well we should probably have lucas blessed, too.” that simple. i just had to ask.

gavin west - month three

five gratefuls:
++++
my tri-city-club family
the way lucas looked at me right before his blessing
holding my sweet gavin after his – such a fresh spirit
a husband who’s wishes for his boys are simple: to be happy
a deep rooted faith of things that i know are so very true

this is the start of something huge for me. i’m going to start asking for much bigger things.
love, lin