the tiny *wonder* of you...

lindsay's journal entry - june. twenty fifth. two thousand and eight.
:camp zarahemla:
dear baby,
the beginning weeks of you has found me here - the early days of summer nestled up to a warm fire. miles away from the boys i love. i've been given charge over a small group beautiful young women. though i'm not sure why, exactly. unless it's the fact that i needed them as much as they need me. i was sleepless, anxious and nervous in preparation for this. they are eager to be fed whatever spiritual energy i have to give. some have heavy hearts and some are full to the brim and spilling over the excitement of teenage life and love. i hope to have reached them all in some way by the end of this week. they have definitely each left their giant girl stamps on my heart.
when i first walked onto our camp, i wandered straight over to the edge of the bank. complete awe at the view before me. the expanse of evergreen, the bright green lake, the sounds of birdies and croaking toads. sweet purple wild flowers and a beautiful deep wilderness surrounded me.
i felt a tinge of heartache at the wonder of my boys back home. wishing they could sense this all with me. though my heart is also very full that this opportunity was given to me. me.
a family of geese were floating across the water. {a mama and her four babies following close behind}and i thought of you. my wee babe. here with me. i've been so busy that i haven't had a real moment to take the thought of you in. during that still minute you were the only thing on my mind. my heart swelled with deep love for the blessing of you. you, my sweet baby, have shared these few days of overwhelming spiritual awareness with me on the banks of this lake.
i am getting ready for you. for your turn.
someday i will bring you all here. andrey and i will look on in amazement as you and your big brother, lucas jude skip rocks, catch toads, climb trees! i will tell you this story of when you were safe in my belly on that day with me. my secret slice of just be brave.
i love you.
mama