Thursday, November 8, 2007

"you belong to a simpler time" -the shins

do you know that part in "garden state" when sam and largeman are sitting in the waiting room of the doctors office. she's got on those gigantic headphones and they've just met. she says that famous line, "you gotta hear this one song. it'll change your life, i swear." and then the tambourine beginning of "new slang" floods his ears. and yours as you're watching the movie. in that instant i added that song to my own soundtrack. i went to the movie in a theatre with a*love. it had been a compromise. my girl pick. in the end i remember we both just sat there through the credits. affected. back in the car we both said, "what was that song?" and off to hastings we went to purchase my first shins cd. in the soundtrack to lindsay's life this song starts playing the first time i see andrey.
this is my husband:
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we met at the mall.
he is handsome and has great hands. he is strong and smart and his heart is huge. he has lousy musical taste (except for the tiny comparment he's saved for led zepplin, pink floyd and the beatles.) he has a closet full of spendy jeans and fancy shoes. his accent comes out in full force when he's sleepy and he dreams in ukranian. his favorite place on earth is a little fishing hole he fished as a wee little ukranian boy. he works from sun up 'til sun down and would work more if he could. he eats onions like apples and garlic like it's candy. we are complete opposites. we clash. we argue. sometimes don't understand eachother. i don't know how we ended up together.
i had this dream the other night. i was at this big celebration in a big room full of people i knew of... had seen before... like the lady who always checks you out at the grocery store... the starbucks girl... that guy you see everywhere. people from highschool... friends of friends. then i saw andrey. he looked confused. not like himself. he was happy but a little nervous. i made my way through the crowd to him, grateful to see a face that i really knew. i remember saying to him, "where are we? isn't this weird? do you recognize all these people, too?" he just looked at me confused. like he couldn't place where he knew me from.
"let's just go, bub" i told him. i tried to grab his hand and he just put it in his pocket and started to back away from me. i was getting frantic. surrounded by strange people in a strange place and i wanted him to get me out of there. i grabbed his face in my hands and pulled myself close to him. "IT'S JUST ME! ANDREY! IT'S LINDSAY! WHERE'S LUCAS?! ANDREY! IT'S ME! LET'S GO!" he looked at me again, unable to place how he knew me, picked me up and moved me out of his way.
that's when i woke up.
the dream bothered me all day. how he didn't recognize me. what it felt like to just be someone in the crowd to him. how he didn't belong to me. how there would be no lucas and no others like lucas. what it would be like to not know that he talks in his sleep or that he makes a mean batch of fried potatoes.
it reminded me of the first time i saw him.
at the mall.
no cheesy love at first sight. just recognition. from all the people in the crowd i remember thinking, "i know that guy from somewhere"
i thought of telling him about it during his lunch phone call but i was too busy putting peanut butter on a sandwich and he had to get back to the roof.
when he came home that night, after dinner, after a baby was tucked safely in bed and he was settled into his spot on the couch dozing off to some sort of ball game on television, i climbed into his lap and whispered in his ear, "don't ever act like you don't know who i am. you scared me." i said. "don't ever do that to me."
he opened his eyes, looked at me like i was crazy and said,"lindsay, what are you talking about?!"

we are complete opposites. we clash. we argue. sometimes don't understand eachother. i don't know how we ended up together. but we did and i love him.
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what's a song on your soundtrack? how did you find it... and where does it come in?


  1. lovely post : )

    songs on my soundtrack, there are so many...
    definitely new slang as well but ages before garden state came out. a great, great friend with stunning musical taste made me a mix cd for a lone road trip and i listened to it over and over...

  2. Omigosh...what a post. so beautiful. We have a movie: Monty Pythons Holy grail. He played with my hair during that movie. I still smile and gush when I think about it.

  3. oooh what an eerie dream. that was so nice to hear a smidge of "your story". On my soundtrack right now...A bell, book, and candle by eddi reader. It hurts too much to explain though. Just the loss of a loved one, not as in death, just someone I can't get out of my head.

  4. Your post definately made me think of the first time I met Mark. He was the cutest/hottest missionary I had ever seen! I obviously hadn't met him before but like you I just "knew" him from somewhere. The song that reminds me of him is Amazed by Lonestar. We danced to it at our wedding and it summs up what we think and feel about eachother. I wonder all the time how Mark and I ended up together. We are soooooo opposite but in the things that REALLY matter...we mesh perfectly! I love him!

    I have a feeling that I don't have enough of an eclectic taste in music as you do and I would love some insight into your music library! Burn me a mixed CD and tell me how much I owe you...if you would! I would love that so much...would you??!!

    Loves to you...kiss Luc for me!

  5. Natural Beauty - Neil Young and Bittersweet - Big Head Todd....songs of a soundtrack of mine... where I left a chunk of my heart....they both remind me of things left undone and that cannot ever be "done-up" again. sorry to be dreary, but it seems like the tracks that stick out most are the ones that bring some sadness of previous lives...

    on a happier note, I Play Music - Rosie Thomas - reminds me of our new start in Washington and turning into a "big girl" even though I'm an old lady.

    **Andrey is definitely on my list of reasons to be grateful. thank you for finding each other. -amy

  6. Lin...
    You write the sweetest are one amazing mama. Love the picture of you and Andrey, you remind me so much of your mama. I'm glad you found the love of your life, treasure your family♥♥

  7. Beautiful beautiful post. I love the picture of you and A.
    Jack Johnson's "better when we're together" is one me and dave song. Especially when our crazy life pulls us constantly in different directions. Right now, Feist's "1234" is the dance in the kitchen song with the babies. Always gets a good smile out of Gage.

  8. Jon and I have a few favorites, when we were dating it was the one with the lyrics "why can't I breathe whenever I think about you.. were already wet and were going to go swimming! We also like the Feels like home to me song, sorry I'm not sure of the artists, and then we love to dance around to Enya for fun! You and Andre are cute and I'm so glad that you have someone as great as he is!

  9. Since I'm old, my lifetrack would need to be a boxed set to contain all the seasons. I think I would start at the present and work bckwards. First tune would be Stephen Stills, "Hearts Gate". I first heard it early this year and it stopped me in my tracks. So true, so true. Then, in the summer I had the opportunity to see the old man in person, front row at The Showbox in Seattle with my ol' man. "It takes paying attention and divine intervention. . ."

  10. Okay, L, you need to write for a magazine because I LOVED this post. I connected with it because I often feel that way about my husband. I love the way you said you recognized him the first time you saw him. That's how I felt when I first saw my husband. You are poetic and honest and creative and spunky. Love this post!

  11. ahhh lindsay your such a good writer! hmmm im thinking a collaboration is in the works between us two? Got any simple children7s books stories up your sleeves? :) and yes that is an eerie dream, and sadly I am easily affected by dreams... :(

  12. Hey it's me Melissa I have been searching and trying to remember what the address is to our site I cant remember it and I wanted to update everyone on our new little sweet girl. Plus I wanted to see how all the pregnancies are going too. Has Julia had her baby yet? I am going to leave you my email so you can send me the link and I can update everyone and keep in touch until I go back to work later in December...I miss you guys. My email is so email me k! Glad to see little Luc is doing great and you too! We too have a "song" that takes me back to that first day everytime so sweet and spcial to have that. It's amazing how we can go back to that time with the sound of music...wonderful. Well back to the baby so take care and Love ya! Melissa

  13. Lin. You're it. Let's play tag.

  14. Pryvit Lindsay ta Andrey. So, my cousin just started blogging and of course there are questions and "hey, I want something like this person's blog", which happened to bring me to your blog which I didn't know belonged to you until I came across this post. RANDOM! I also logged into my old AOL screen name for some reason today and saw your screen name on...I figured it was just a sign I should stop and say hello. —Joshua K.